Sunday, June 10, 2007
i need answers.
It has been almost 2 months at that evil camp where all the evil people gather except me.
Thats why to let me become like them i must shut off all communication and become a super anti-social. Thats why sometimes i'll be very quiet, maybe it's the influence of the personality i have in the camp. I'm really really lonely there. i'm always at this particular chair outside the office, nearest to a corner. there's this small hole that might be a drain which have a metal red cover and sometimes there's this one frog jump out and feed on the trail of ants. It's always that same frog that came out of that hole to feed on the ants...So to make more ants to come, i put a waste basket there to attract more ants. Sometimes it croaks damn loud in that hole, i'll just stare at it and wishing to see it feeding on ants. I can just stare at it all day till 5-6pm when i can get the fuck out of the camp. And of course i cant just sit there the whole day not doing anything. Those bastards will just call me to do stuff that drivers are not suppose to do. I'm a taxi driver cum bangala worker cum maid. I cum on them then they know. cb. It's always so depressing to go back to that stupid place. I seriously don mind if everyone there don give a fuck about me and just do wad they are suppose to do. BUT, they are not like that they like to fuck up things for me and always FIND TROUBLE for me. Sometimes i just wanna fucking take a chainsaw and kill them all but thats a crime right? so unfair. Well, this is the time i can train to be calm and patience even though the situation is at it's FUCKEST UP point. SAF is so freakin slow, everything u do, you'll only get the results after afew months. I'm sick of planning on how to get the fuck out of the camp and acting like someone else i am not everytime i go into the camp. But I Must do all that because i cannot stay in that camp no matter wad. I just know that my plan would work. i just will. It's like fishing in a pail with only one big fat fish and i'm using 849723894723 hooks to hook it up. Confirm can hook the shit out of the fish one lor. That is how confident i am to succeeding this plan. But the thing is, it's taking alot of time...more and more doubts coming in one by one...My confident slowly fades down. Alot of people there always put up a mask when talking to me. Try to "console" me and tell me that "this is army, when they put u here means u're here for good, no point struggling and trying to change camp. It's useless, many people wanted to get out of here and all of them didnt make it, some waited till they gonna ord and some tried so hard that they got charged and some just gave up." he said some other stuff too but i just turned and smile at him and got up of my seat and just walked away. The more people telling me all this, the more i wan to make it happen. I just make sure i'll not be too crazy about it till i got myself into a big pile of shit. At the very most, i'll be the one waiting and planning how to get the fuck out of this camp till i ORD. I cannot give up just like that, it just something i wan to do for myself and i wan it to happen. No matter wad is the result. I'll still be proud that i didnt give up. Well, i've been talking to another me so self-consoling is something i learnt during...army. I've been writing alot when i'm doing duties at night. Sometimes i just write myself to sleep or just write till breakfast(5.30am). Most of the time it includes writing and drawing. Lots of random scribbling, drawings that i drew wad i felt at that moment. I've been listening alot of radio, gold 90.5fm and 98.7fm. laughed and sang to myself while listening to the radio and yes there's nobody in the office except me. The office's aircon is a piece of shit. Without another fan there it probably as good as a graphics card fan. no bed so i have combine chairs to sleep SO most of the time i didnt sleep which will fuck up my next day as i need to do so much sai kang. And i did most of the duties it's even more than some people that already here for more than half a year. Ok, enough of army stuff. I've enough of army stuff in camp, i don wan to bring it here.
Anyway, This Blog is mostly for myself to read and maybe some very close frenz who are interested. this blog have been more and more boring and dead. If i have a counter for this blog it would be 3 digits, u know why? because 90% of the time it's me who visit the blog...come to think of it maybe even 99%. if u're searching for something interesting to read, u would probably not come to my blog. It's just something for myself. i love to write than to talk. Although my english is not fantastic. but READABLE la. no chim chim ang moh. just primary school english. LOL. i donno, i just enjoy chatting in msn than talking face to face in a cafe. Sometimes i might be very noisy and fun thats because i wan myself to have as much fun as possible before i go in camp again...which is damn shitty. I think i used less than 30 sentences when i'm in camp before 6pm. , those sentences include "Hello, auntie i wan more rice". Ya it includes all the conversation i had to anybody no matter how short it is. The only times that i opened my mouth is when i eat, yawn and stare at the blank or stare at the frog eating ants. And after 6pm i would call people up for a long ass chat but most of the time i didnt have the luck of finding anyone to talk for long. So just go with my drawing and writing...OK WAIT DIDNT I SAY NO ARMY STUFF?
Shit... so i made a paragraph for nothing. Ok...Weekends is always the best. It's the time i can do wad i really wan and also meet up familiar faces and be myself. And importantly i can have time with my mum. I just miss the civilian life i had. So free and now i know how to appreciate so many things that i didnt even noticed in the past. The fact that humans....
Humans only know to appreciate something after it's gone.
So sad huh.
This Coming Tuesday, i shall get some answers for some questions itching me.
yes it's a camp thing.
I hate the fact that i'm always lonely.
I hate to have no one to love.
I hate to hate.
Well, Because of all that...i made some friends.
Some friends that...
I created them.
Thats why to let me become like them i must shut off all communication and become a super anti-social. Thats why sometimes i'll be very quiet, maybe it's the influence of the personality i have in the camp. I'm really really lonely there. i'm always at this particular chair outside the office, nearest to a corner. there's this small hole that might be a drain which have a metal red cover and sometimes there's this one frog jump out and feed on the trail of ants. It's always that same frog that came out of that hole to feed on the ants...So to make more ants to come, i put a waste basket there to attract more ants. Sometimes it croaks damn loud in that hole, i'll just stare at it and wishing to see it feeding on ants. I can just stare at it all day till 5-6pm when i can get the fuck out of the camp. And of course i cant just sit there the whole day not doing anything. Those bastards will just call me to do stuff that drivers are not suppose to do. I'm a taxi driver cum bangala worker cum maid. I cum on them then they know. cb. It's always so depressing to go back to that stupid place. I seriously don mind if everyone there don give a fuck about me and just do wad they are suppose to do. BUT, they are not like that they like to fuck up things for me and always FIND TROUBLE for me. Sometimes i just wanna fucking take a chainsaw and kill them all but thats a crime right? so unfair. Well, this is the time i can train to be calm and patience even though the situation is at it's FUCKEST UP point. SAF is so freakin slow, everything u do, you'll only get the results after afew months. I'm sick of planning on how to get the fuck out of the camp and acting like someone else i am not everytime i go into the camp. But I Must do all that because i cannot stay in that camp no matter wad. I just know that my plan would work. i just will. It's like fishing in a pail with only one big fat fish and i'm using 849723894723 hooks to hook it up. Confirm can hook the shit out of the fish one lor. That is how confident i am to succeeding this plan. But the thing is, it's taking alot of time...more and more doubts coming in one by one...My confident slowly fades down. Alot of people there always put up a mask when talking to me. Try to "console" me and tell me that "this is army, when they put u here means u're here for good, no point struggling and trying to change camp. It's useless, many people wanted to get out of here and all of them didnt make it, some waited till they gonna ord and some tried so hard that they got charged and some just gave up." he said some other stuff too but i just turned and smile at him and got up of my seat and just walked away. The more people telling me all this, the more i wan to make it happen. I just make sure i'll not be too crazy about it till i got myself into a big pile of shit. At the very most, i'll be the one waiting and planning how to get the fuck out of this camp till i ORD. I cannot give up just like that, it just something i wan to do for myself and i wan it to happen. No matter wad is the result. I'll still be proud that i didnt give up. Well, i've been talking to another me so self-consoling is something i learnt during...army. I've been writing alot when i'm doing duties at night. Sometimes i just write myself to sleep or just write till breakfast(5.30am). Most of the time it includes writing and drawing. Lots of random scribbling, drawings that i drew wad i felt at that moment. I've been listening alot of radio, gold 90.5fm and 98.7fm. laughed and sang to myself while listening to the radio and yes there's nobody in the office except me. The office's aircon is a piece of shit. Without another fan there it probably as good as a graphics card fan. no bed so i have combine chairs to sleep SO most of the time i didnt sleep which will fuck up my next day as i need to do so much sai kang. And i did most of the duties it's even more than some people that already here for more than half a year. Ok, enough of army stuff. I've enough of army stuff in camp, i don wan to bring it here.
Anyway, This Blog is mostly for myself to read and maybe some very close frenz who are interested. this blog have been more and more boring and dead. If i have a counter for this blog it would be 3 digits, u know why? because 90% of the time it's me who visit the blog...come to think of it maybe even 99%. if u're searching for something interesting to read, u would probably not come to my blog. It's just something for myself. i love to write than to talk. Although my english is not fantastic. but READABLE la. no chim chim ang moh. just primary school english. LOL. i donno, i just enjoy chatting in msn than talking face to face in a cafe. Sometimes i might be very noisy and fun thats because i wan myself to have as much fun as possible before i go in camp again...which is damn shitty. I think i used less than 30 sentences when i'm in camp before 6pm. , those sentences include "Hello, auntie i wan more rice". Ya it includes all the conversation i had to anybody no matter how short it is. The only times that i opened my mouth is when i eat, yawn and stare at the blank or stare at the frog eating ants. And after 6pm i would call people up for a long ass chat but most of the time i didnt have the luck of finding anyone to talk for long. So just go with my drawing and writing...OK WAIT DIDNT I SAY NO ARMY STUFF?
Shit... so i made a paragraph for nothing. Ok...Weekends is always the best. It's the time i can do wad i really wan and also meet up familiar faces and be myself. And importantly i can have time with my mum. I just miss the civilian life i had. So free and now i know how to appreciate so many things that i didnt even noticed in the past. The fact that humans....
Humans only know to appreciate something after it's gone.
So sad huh.
This Coming Tuesday, i shall get some answers for some questions itching me.
yes it's a camp thing.
I hate the fact that i'm always lonely.
I hate to have no one to love.
I hate to hate.
Well, Because of all that...i made some friends.
Some friends that...
I created them.
2:41 AM
